So, I was killing time after my lunch today in Filene's Basement (a.k.a. the most amazing store ever; designer clothing at bargain basement prices... I once got a $108 FCUK shirt for $17.58), and I came across these beauties...
Now, I know what you're thinking: "Are you sure you didn't stumble into the clown store?" The answer is an unequivocal "No." I do not like clowns. Never have. I would, under no circumstances, venture into a retail establishment that caters solely to their kind. Plus I don't really know why there would be a clown store in Watertown, MA.
No, no. I was in the men's department at Filene's for sure. Now there are a couple of things about this pair of pants that amaze me (at least I think that's what they do to me; they may also have caused me to have a small seizure that I only mistook for amazement):
First of all, they are manufactured by Vineyard Vines. Vineyard Vines is a retailer located on Martha's Vineyard (duh), which has a monopoly on the fugliest color of fabric in the known universe. They are also the most expensive clothier on the island (unless you count the gift shops in Oak Bluffs, and I don't). Who in the name of crap is going to buy these for their vacay on THE VINEYARD?? Nobody's that drunk.
Second, in addition to their garish checkerboard-harlequin-whatever-the-crap-it-is pattern, they are also made of corduroy. From a distance, I thought they might be pants suitable for a round of golf at a posh Cape Cod country club. Upon closer inspection, however, I noted that they are in fact intended for winter wear. WHO THE CRAP IS GOING TO BUY CORDUROY GOLF PANTS?!?!
Next, these pants were waist size 40 (40, people! F-O-R-T-Y!). AND they were the only ones left. I can only deduce that there was once an entire rack full of them at more reasonable sizes that they managed to pass off to unsuspecting vacationers (with more money than good sense).
Finally, the manufacturer's suggested retail price was ::drumroll please:: $135.00 (thank G-d we don't have sales tax on clothing in the Commonwealth!). ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?? $135 for that?!?! And guess what Filene's is trying to unload them for? Go on guess. I'll wait.... $59.99!!!!!!!!!
I mean, I guess part of me is just jealous that someone has made a lot of money off of something a four-year-old dreamed up during arts and crafts time. But one day I hope to be walking down the lane in Edgartown and run across a Kennedy wearing this very pair. I will take a picture with said Kennedy, and I will post it here for everyone to see.
No, no. I was in the men's department at Filene's for sure. Now there are a couple of things about this pair of pants that amaze me (at least I think that's what they do to me; they may also have caused me to have a small seizure that I only mistook for amazement):
First of all, they are manufactured by Vineyard Vines. Vineyard Vines is a retailer located on Martha's Vineyard (duh), which has a monopoly on the fugliest color of fabric in the known universe. They are also the most expensive clothier on the island (unless you count the gift shops in Oak Bluffs, and I don't). Who in the name of crap is going to buy these for their vacay on THE VINEYARD?? Nobody's that drunk.
Second, in addition to their garish checkerboard-harlequin-whatever-the-crap-it-is pattern, they are also made of corduroy. From a distance, I thought they might be pants suitable for a round of golf at a posh Cape Cod country club. Upon closer inspection, however, I noted that they are in fact intended for winter wear. WHO THE CRAP IS GOING TO BUY CORDUROY GOLF PANTS?!?!
Next, these pants were waist size 40 (40, people! F-O-R-T-Y!). AND they were the only ones left. I can only deduce that there was once an entire rack full of them at more reasonable sizes that they managed to pass off to unsuspecting vacationers (with more money than good sense).
Finally, the manufacturer's suggested retail price was ::drumroll please:: $135.00 (thank G-d we don't have sales tax on clothing in the Commonwealth!). ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?? $135 for that?!?! And guess what Filene's is trying to unload them for? Go on guess. I'll wait.... $59.99!!!!!!!!!
I mean, I guess part of me is just jealous that someone has made a lot of money off of something a four-year-old dreamed up during arts and crafts time. But one day I hope to be walking down the lane in Edgartown and run across a Kennedy wearing this very pair. I will take a picture with said Kennedy, and I will post it here for everyone to see.
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