Summer Reading List 2009

Remember the days when you were forced to read, even during your summer vacation, so that you could be tested on it when you got back to school? Here's the thing: you didn't have to make me read over the summer. I did it anyway. Making me do it for school just made me resent it. Oh, well. The irony of it all now is, I get excited about reading in summer time, because I feel like I have more time to make headway in things I want to learn about. And this summer, I will probably have quite a bit of time on my hands to read up. So, here is my summer reading list for 2009:

I have recently become obsessed with the Showtime series The Tudors (which is a bit of a misnomer, since it only follows one Tudor: Henry VIII. And then only his early years as king. But I digress.) Historical inaccuracies aside (and there are some glaring ones), it is a well-put-together program, and the young cast makes for a great hour of television. If nothing else, the show has re-ignited my love for Early Modern European history, particularly British history. So, I have decided that a refresher course is in order. I will be tackling New Worlds, Lost Worlds: The Rule of the Tudors, 1485-1603, part of the Penguin History of Britain series by Susan Brigden. Nerdy, perhaps, but I am looking forward to it. Perhaps I will discover fodder for future research endeavors.


My second "heavy lifting" book of the summer is one that I have made numerous attempts to complete, and have started multiple times, but can never seem to get all the way through. I am bound and determined to finish it before the year is out! I will be reading Saved from Sacrifice: A Theology of the Cross by S. Mark Heim. So far, this text has more detractors than devotees, particularly among my "inner circle" of friends and scholars. I am determined to remain open-minded, even though I will probably have very little in common with Dr. Heim's method or assertions. We shall see. Perhaps this, too, will spark some additional research interests.


The summer can't be all serious all the time, though. I took suggestions for new fiction books to read from friends that (I assume) are up on such things. The winner, with a majority of recommendations from my panel of apt advisers, is Straight Man by Richard Russo. It's a novel about an academic in a small-town, facing a budget crisis and criminal charges. Really, I can get behind any kind of story where the geese start to die (take that for pooping all over the place, geese!). Seriously, though. I effing hate those effing geese. Anyway, this should be a good way to lighten the mood a bit.


In a similar vein, I am planning to read Moo by Jane Smiley. I know nothing about this author, except that she won a Pulitzer Prize for her previous novel, A Thousand Acres. The book purports to be a satirical look at the Academy and university life in general (do you detect a pattern emerging?). I am anticipating a good read, and can always get behind using onomatopoeia in interesting ways.




My diet has changed significantly of late. I have been eating a (mostly) vegetarian diet, though I still indulge in the occasional hamburger, curry, or sampling of BBQ. For the most part, though, it's high-fiber and low-calorie for me these days. I have been considering reading some books on the subject, and I have decided on In Defense of Food: An Eater's Manifesto by Michael Pollan. This author has received a lot of press lately, and his work has been recommended to me by several of my friends. Not judging a book by its cover, but I am enticed by the bunch of red lettuce on the cover, and the mantra of the text: "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants."


Since I'll be picking up and moving to Toronto in June, I feel like I should read some sort of Toronto travel guide. I contemplated buying Frommer's, but it has people in kayaks on the cover. I don't do kayaks. Or open water. Fail. But there are plenty of other travel guide options, so I will likely settle for the cheapest one I can find :) I contemplated ordering a copy of How to Move to Canada, but since we have a team of Canadian lawyers on the case, it seems superfluous. I may yet purchase a copy of So, You Want to Be Canadian: All About the Most Fascinating People in the World and the Magical Place They Call Home. That title almost makes Canada seem not boring. You and I know better :)


It would take too long to explain the entire list, which is comprised of a number of titles suggested by you, my friends. So here is an abridged version of the rest:

Being Dead is No Excuse: The Official Southern Ladies Guide to Hosting the Perfect Funeral by Gayden Metcalfe and Charlotte Hays
Who can resist a title like that?!?!

A Good Man is Hard to Find and Other Stories by Flannery O'Connor
I'll be re-reading this one. I haven't picked up a book of Southern short stories in a while, so I'm looking forward to these.

Under the Banner of Heaven: A Story of Violent Faith by Jon Krakauer
Mormons. 'Nuff said.

Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortensen and David Oliver Relin
Seems a little crunchy for my taste, but it comes highly recommended. So I'm giving it a shot.

Take This Bread by Sara Miles
Maybe I'll like her more than Lauren Winner*. Sorry, Lauren. Nothing personal.

The Road by Cormac McCarthy
Because I hate reading what Oprah tells me to, but I love Cormac McCarthy. I think I've waited long enough. Although, it appears they're making a movie out of it, so I may have to wait for the hysteria to die down again. Maybe I'll re-read All the Pretty Horses instead.

There you have it. Summer Reading for 2009. Wish me luck!

*OK, so Girl Meets God wasn't so bad.

This is Where I Live...

So, Boston has a public transportation system. Notice that I started this post by stating the pure and simple fact of the mere existence of public transportation in Boston, rather than commenting on how nice it is. Because the fact of the matter is, the Massachusetts Bay Transportation Authority (or, "the T" as it's known to locals) exists, functions some of the time, and that's about the extent of it.

I live on the T's Green Line. More specifically, I live on the B-line branch of the Green Line. This may mean very little to you who are reading this post, and not living in Boston. Suffice it to say, the first time I visited Boston, someone referred to the B-line as "the slow train to hell." They weren't far off. Although, to be fair, the B-line ends at Boston College in the suburban town of Chestnut Hill. So, really, it's more like the slow train to purgatory. But, I digress.

To give you an idea of how amazing the Green Line is, I offer you the following gems, which happened within less than one week of one another:

A tranny* train driver on the Green Line crashed into another train because he was texting his girlfriend. Amazing. This, incidentally, is not the first Green Line crash in recent memory. Thankfully, this one was far less tragic.

And just this morning, a man stabbed himself on an inbound Green Line train at Copley Square. Number 1: Why are you carrying a knife on the T? and Number 2: How the crap did you sit on it??

This is where I live, folks. :^)

This person, however, seems to hate the T more than I do. More so, even, than the average Bostonian.

Update (05/15/2009): It's not just the Green Line, by the way. It happens on the Red Line, too.

*This fact is immaterial to the story. It was just some additional information I recently discovered. I also recently learned that the reason he was texting his girlfriend, is that she didn't answer when he called her. Nice.

Lift Every Voice and Sing (No, seriously...)

So I paid a visit to a church over on the other side of the river this past Sunday, because my friend had recently been named priest-in-charge, and I wanted to catch up with her and see how she was doing. So I rolled into St. Bartholemew's at 10:30am, ready for a good sermon (her sermons are always amazing) and some good company.

What I did not know about St. Bart's- and there is no reason that I should, as it does not matter, in the end- is that it is a traditionally African-American parish. Black parishes are few and far between in the Episcopal Church, and this one, much like many others is largely Afro-Caribbean in character. The Episcopal Church is, and always has been, a predominantly white denomination. Look up "WASP" in the dictionary, and it will read "see also: Episcopalian." All of this is to say that I was suddenly acutely aware of the color of my skin, a characteristic that I don't spend too much time thinking about on a day-to-day basis. I walked into the nave, and immediately realized that I was the only white person around. Suddenly, I was the minority. I was different. I stuck out like a sore thumb. As my friend later told me, I was "the strange white person in the back of the church."

It is a very unsettling feeling, to know that everyone knows you somehow don't fit in. To know that everyone can tell just by looking that you're "not from around here." It's very distracting. Particularly when you've been preparing yourself to worship. Suddenly, your motive for showing up to church that day comes into question, if only in your own mind. Would they think I was just there to see the "local color" (no racially-charged pun intended)? Would they wonder why I didn't turn around and walk out the door when I saw I didn't belong? Would they even want to engage with me at all? This is not the thought process you want to have to go through before church on Sunday.

But then, the most unexpected thing- and yet the very thing I should have expected- happened. I was welcomed. With open arms (literally; I got a couple of hugs). Everyone wanted to know my name. They made me stand up and introduce myself as a first-time visitor during the notices. "Chris, do you want to stand up and introduce yourself?" And it didn't feel awkward at all. Even when they clapped for me as I took my seat again. They filled my hands with cookies and coffee in the parish hall. I left that one church service knowing the first names of more people than I probably know at my current parish of three years (at least per capita).

And I think to myself: "That's how church should be." That's how life should be. Sometimes I think that if I ever make it to heaven, it will be mostly black people. (That's not just Liberation Theology talking, either.) Because, at the very least, I think God would rather surround Godself with people that get excited about faith and love one another without shame. People that sing at the top of their lungs, rather than wait for a cue from the choir. As much as I love my parish (and I do; they have been very good to me), I would trade in a heartbeat the classically trained, professional choir for a small group of saints belting out "Leaning on the Everlasting Arms" from Lift Every Voice and Sing II (the fact that we have to have a completely separate "African-American Hymnal" is a topic for another time).

Lift every voice and sing,
'Til earth and heaven ring,
Ring with the harmonies of Liberty

Know Your Current Events: Pet Lovers(?) Edition

In honor of the Swine Flu not-yet-an-epidemic, I thought I'd bring you a Know Your Current Events for all the weird animal news of the past few days.

First of all, to all of you that are worried about your bacon at breakfast and your pork chops at dinner:

You cannot get Swine Flu from eating pork! It is a respiratory illness, NOT a gastro-intestinal one. Dumbasses.

Ok, moving on to more important matters...

First up, South Korean scientists have, through the miracle of cloning, created glow-in-the-dark puppies. NO. FREAKIN'. WAY. What kind of deposit to I have to put down on the next litter of Ruppies?! It's like having your very own superhero dog. "Oh, it's so dark and scary. Who will help us?" I know... my FREAKIN' glow-in-the-freakin'-dark DOG, that's who!! The scientist that made this amazing breakthrough said, "What's significant in this work is not the dogs expressing red colors but that we planted genes into them." No, what's significant is that you got a freakin' dog to glow without the aid of nuclear waste!! Finally, someone using their powers for awesome! I hope it's not like those glow stick things you get at the fair, though. Where the glow from the chemicals starts to wear off, and you have to put them in the freezer to keep them glowing for longer. Somehow, I don't think the dogs would last too long in the freezer.

Lots of dog-related stories this week, including one in which a couple's Chihuahua was picked up by a tornado and dropped off over a mile away (that's approximately 15 leagues for us normal-sized human beings).

::Takes off glasses, pinches bridge of nose.:: Where to begin?

First of all, if you had bothered to get a real dog, this never would have been an issue. C'mon... a Chihuahua? You don't even live in a city!! There are no space constraints. If your pissant dog can get picked up by a strong gust of wind and hurled into the woods, you have plenty of room for a medium to large dog! Second, what the crap kind of "display" were you erecting* that was so important it couldn't wait until after the tornado-inducing STORM. I get that tornados are unpredictable; they used to blow past my house all the time. But you're pretty much aware there's a storm coming before it gets to the tornado stage. Take your damned "dog" inside! Finally... a pet psychic? Really? You couldn't just put up flyers like everyone else? I mean, I'm glad the woman and her husband *cough... whipped... ahem* were reunited with their pup, but they could just as easily have sent their cash my way, and it would have helped them find the damn thing just as quickly. I think I just found my new get rich quick scheme...

And last, but certainly not least...

This is Mangum Rattlesnake Derby Princess Courtney Lewis, posing with the snake she just beheaded. That's right. "Miss Derby Princess'" sole duty is to behead the first rattlesnake of the festival. Now. I don't mean to be ugly. But... I think there's a reason she got chosen. I mean, what kind of beauty queen dreams of being the princess of a rattlesnake derby? And I wonder what the first runner-up is thinking. I mean, she's bound to have even odds of getting to take over the crown when Miss Derby Princess is unable to fulfill her duties, thanks to an unfortunate rattlesnake bite to the jugular. They should make a Drop Dead Gorgeous sequal: Drop Dead Gorgeous II: Snakes on a Stage, starring Kirsten Dunst and Samuel L. Jackson. Yeah... I'm calling Hollywood tomorrow. $$$

*Hey-oooooooooo

Rest In Peace, Maude

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider
She didn't care if the whole world looked.
Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her
She was a sister who really cooked.*
...
And then there's MAUDE

It is with heavy heart that I write this blog post today. Yet another Golden Girl has kicked it. Born in 1922 as Bernice Frankel (and you thought Beatrice Arthur was an albatross of a name) in New York City, Bea Arthur was the much-beloved star of such old-person (or, iconically gay-take your pick) shows as Maude, The Golden Girls, and the Lucille Ball version of Mame.

Bea follows Golden Girls co-star, Estelle Getty, and is survived by Rue McClanahan and Betty White.

I think in the end, I would like to remember Bea and Estelle this way...

"Which one's Cheech, and which one's Chong?"

*Update (04/28/2009): It just occurs to me that this song lyric is totally twisted. Joan of Arc was burned at the stake by the English in 1431, during the Hundred Years' War. She, in fact, "really cooked." You should be ashamed of yourselves Marilyn and Alan Bergman and Dave Grusin.

Happy Administrative Professionals Day!

Yes, that's right. We can't call it 'Secretaries Day' any more.

Oh, well... there were lots of other fun things that happened...

On This Day in History

On this day in 1500, Pedro Álvares Cabral became the first European to sight Brazil. Just one short year ago, Brazilian soccer great Ronaldo "knew they were prostitutes, but didn't know they were men." Mmhmm. In any event, to both men we owe a great debt of gratitude...

On this day in 1836, General Antonio López de Santa Anna was captured by Texan forces under the command of Sam Houston. One day after the decisive battle of San Jacinto, Houston's men found the cowardly Santa Anna, on the run, and wearing women's underwear. Well, I guess technically he was just wearing silk boxers, but you know how they are down in Texas. Thus began Texas' [brief] period of independence, and simultaneously its obnoxious superiority complex.

Well, that's it for April 22 in history... Happy Earth Day!!

Cake is Supposed to be Moist (::shudder::)

It's Thursday, so that means it's time for....

Know Your Current Events!

First up this week: a disgusting old piece of cake. What's that? Oh... excuse me... a disgusting antique piece of cake. Aren't you supposed to keep the top tier and eat it on your first anniversary? Isn't that how that old tradition (i.e. superstition) goes? I have never heard of saving a piece of wedding cake, so that it can outlast you and your spouse, and be passed down for generations, only to be sold at auction by Sotheby's. Way to go Princess Louise. I thought the Victorians were supposed to be on top of such things. This hunk of sweet is 138 years old! I don't even want to think what that must look/smell/taste like. "'We advise them not to eat a 138-year-old piece of cake," said Amy Kiernan, a spokeswoman for the fair." Seriously?? Do you think anyone would actually want to eat that? Gross. I wonder if it was decorated using the Wilton® method...

Next, a man in Fort Smith, AR crashed his truck through the gates of the local airport and made his way toward an airplane. It seems that he was planning on flying a Cessna all the way to Israel, because he "had all the answers." Apparently not, otherwise he might have thought better of flying a plane that was missing a key piece of equipment. Like propellers. I love that the police charged him with felony Criminal Mischief and misdemeanor Criminal Trespass. Really, he should have been charged with being a complete nutcase. I guess Sebastian County doesn't really have the resources for that. But then again, to an Arkansan (or any of us from the Deep South, really), it doesn't seem insane at all to come across a crazed white man waving a Bible who claims to have all the answers...

And finally, a nod to overnight world Internet sensation Frumpzilla.... err... I mean... Susan Boyle. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Don't make fun of that wonderful woman. She is a prime example of 'not judging a book by its cover.'" And you're absolutely right. I admit, when I first watched her audition video on YouTube, I was expecting a Scottish William Hung. I was pleasantly surprised, as it turns out the whole world was. There are two things about this story I'd like to comment on. First, I find it absolutely atrocious that this woman has become a phenomenon, not because of her amazing set of pipes (which she clearly has), but because she is so completely plain, and a little bit awkward. Because somehow, talent and good looks go hand-in-hand. Heaven forbid a perfectly normal-looking person have something other than good looks on offer. My second comment on this story refers to her expression of surprise at the reaction to her wonderful rendition of "I Dreamed A Dream" (people tell me this is from a musical... I don't really keep up with such things). "'I'm gobsmacked, absolutely gobsmacked,' she told CNN on Friday morning." What the crap kind of word is 'gobsmacked'? English may be a living language, but I would sooner allow 'irregardless' into the OED than use the word 'gobsmacked' on a regular basis.

Somebody Call Guinness; I found the ugliest pants EVER

So, I was killing time after my lunch today in Filene's Basement (a.k.a. the most amazing store ever; designer clothing at bargain basement prices... I once got a $108 FCUK shirt for $17.58), and I came across these beauties...

Now, I know what you're thinking: "Are you sure you didn't stumble into the clown store?" The answer is an unequivocal "No." I do not like clowns. Never have. I would, under no circumstances, venture into a retail establishment that caters solely to their kind. Plus I don't really know why there would be a clown store in Watertown, MA.

No, no. I was in the men's department at Filene's for sure. Now there are a couple of things about this pair of pants that amaze me (at least I think that's what they do to me; they may also have caused me to have a small seizure that I only mistook for amazement):

First of all, they are manufactured by Vineyard Vines. Vineyard Vines is a retailer located on Martha's Vineyard (duh), which has a monopoly on the fugliest color of fabric in the known universe. They are also the most expensive clothier on the island (unless you count the gift shops in Oak Bluffs, and I don't). Who in the name of crap is going to buy these for their vacay on THE VINEYARD?? Nobody's that drunk.

Second, in addition to their garish checkerboard-harlequin-whatever-the-crap-it-is pattern, they are also made of corduroy. From a distance, I thought they might be pants suitable for a round of golf at a posh Cape Cod country club. Upon closer inspection, however, I noted that they are in fact intended for winter wear. WHO THE CRAP IS GOING TO BUY CORDUROY GOLF PANTS?!?!

Next, these pants were waist size 40 (40, people! F-O-R-T-Y!). AND they were the only ones left. I can only deduce that there was once an entire rack full of them at more reasonable sizes that they managed to pass off to unsuspecting vacationers (with more money than good sense).

Finally, the manufacturer's suggested retail price was ::drumroll please:: $135.00 (thank G-d we don't have sales tax on clothing in the Commonwealth!). ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?? $135 for that?!?! And guess what Filene's is trying to unload them for? Go on guess. I'll wait.... $59.99!!!!!!!!!

I mean, I guess part of me is just jealous that someone has made a lot of money off of something a four-year-old dreamed up during arts and crafts time. But one day I hope to be walking down the lane in Edgartown and run across a Kennedy wearing this very pair. I will take a picture with said Kennedy, and I will post it here for everyone to see.

What do Jesus and my Blog Have in Common?

They are both resurrected today!

Ok, cheap religious joke, I know. But what better day to bring back the blog than the Super Bowl of Christian holidays?

So I hope to be a little more regular with the blog (you know how I like to stay regular) from now on, and will be bringing back some old favorites like "Know Your Current Events," and even introducing some new features like "This Day in History."

Stay tuned...