For all of you who are just as upset as I am by the results of the Papal election today, I offer the following to take your mind off of it: The Cog
I have graciously called Joseph on the phone, and have conceded the election and congratulated him on his ascent to the papacy. I am, however, very upset at the potential for harm to the Church (and not just the Roman one, either) this pope might have.
For any disaffected Roman Catholics out there who may be reading this and bemoaning your new pope, just remember... The Episcopal Church Welcomes You! (Rowan [the ABC] may be a druid, but at least he's nice.)
Tuesday, April 19, 2005
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
Some People Shouldn't Be Allowed to Procreate
Well, it's official. Brit-Brit is preggers! An official announcement was made on Britney Spears' fan website that she and new hubby Kevin Federline are expecting their first baby. Well, their first one together... I mean, with each other. Kevin, of course has like 5 with 5 other women. And those are just the ones we know about.
I have to say, this announcement troubles me on a number of different levels. If we thought that Britney was a poor role model for our young girls, I can't imagine she'll be much better for young mothers. And can we talk about her husband? Does it not disturb anyone (especially Britney) that his former girlfriend was pregnant with his child when he and Brit-Brit tied the knot? And on top of all that, he's one of her backup dancers! Have we learned nothing from J-Lo?!?! This travesty is just doomed from the beginning. But at least they're not making it into a reality TV show... oh, wait! They are!
I think one of my friends from college said it best: "You should have to take a test to get your ovaries." Maybe Britney will get a good nanny... Lord knows she can afford it.
I have to say, this announcement troubles me on a number of different levels. If we thought that Britney was a poor role model for our young girls, I can't imagine she'll be much better for young mothers. And can we talk about her husband? Does it not disturb anyone (especially Britney) that his former girlfriend was pregnant with his child when he and Brit-Brit tied the knot? And on top of all that, he's one of her backup dancers! Have we learned nothing from J-Lo?!?! This travesty is just doomed from the beginning. But at least they're not making it into a reality TV show... oh, wait! They are!
I think one of my friends from college said it best: "You should have to take a test to get your ovaries." Maybe Britney will get a good nanny... Lord knows she can afford it.
Sunday, April 10, 2005
Habemus Papam
"The Pope is dead! Long live the Pope!!" I think that's what they should shout instead of "Habemus Papam!" when they elect a new pope. It's certainly catchier.
So, I've decided that I need to be the next pope. "But, Chris," you say, "you are Episcopalian, not Roman Catholic." Yes this would seem to be a problem for me, wouldn't it? According to canon law, however, any baptized man (sorry ladies) may be considered for the position of pontifex maximus. So I think I need to give the cardinals a call and let them know that I would like to have myself considered when they go into the conclave on April 18.
Here is a short list of characteristics that I think qualify me to be the next Bishop of Rome:
1) I love Jesus. It's true. I really do. You can ask Him yourself. He'll tell you so.
2) I actually enjoy the sermons (most of the time) when I go to church. Under normal circumstances this would be an indication of mental illness, but considering the position I'm applying for, it's something that should be emphasized.
3) I'm a uniter, not a divider. I like to run things on a live-and-let-live basis. You want to ordain women? Fine with me! You don't like the gays? OK, but don't get mad when other people get promoted over you. Of course this does have its limits... I will send the Swiss Guard after you if you piss me off. None of this 'loving my enemies' crap.
4) I look good in white. Seriously, I do. That's not a look many people can pull off. I think it has something to do with my naturally dark complexion. Although the wool cassock has to go... I mean, honestly: it's Rome- it's freakin' hot there! Can I see something in seersucker?
5) I am already infallible. I don't make mistakes. Ever. And I don't have to sit in a big, fancy chair for it to work, either.
I will be including all these points in my cover letter to the College of Cardinals. Please send your references c/o Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger to the Vatican.
Faithfully,
Pope Christopher I (Yes, I'm keeping my real name)
So, I've decided that I need to be the next pope. "But, Chris," you say, "you are Episcopalian, not Roman Catholic." Yes this would seem to be a problem for me, wouldn't it? According to canon law, however, any baptized man (sorry ladies) may be considered for the position of pontifex maximus. So I think I need to give the cardinals a call and let them know that I would like to have myself considered when they go into the conclave on April 18.
Here is a short list of characteristics that I think qualify me to be the next Bishop of Rome:
1) I love Jesus. It's true. I really do. You can ask Him yourself. He'll tell you so.
2) I actually enjoy the sermons (most of the time) when I go to church. Under normal circumstances this would be an indication of mental illness, but considering the position I'm applying for, it's something that should be emphasized.
3) I'm a uniter, not a divider. I like to run things on a live-and-let-live basis. You want to ordain women? Fine with me! You don't like the gays? OK, but don't get mad when other people get promoted over you. Of course this does have its limits... I will send the Swiss Guard after you if you piss me off. None of this 'loving my enemies' crap.
4) I look good in white. Seriously, I do. That's not a look many people can pull off. I think it has something to do with my naturally dark complexion. Although the wool cassock has to go... I mean, honestly: it's Rome- it's freakin' hot there! Can I see something in seersucker?
5) I am already infallible. I don't make mistakes. Ever. And I don't have to sit in a big, fancy chair for it to work, either.
I will be including all these points in my cover letter to the College of Cardinals. Please send your references c/o Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger to the Vatican.
Faithfully,
Pope Christopher I (Yes, I'm keeping my real name)
Friday, April 08, 2005
Hiatus
Well, it's been a long time since I last made an entry on my blog, but I'm going to do my best to start it back up again. It may not be a regular thing for a while (my thesis is still under construction), but we'll see what happens. Now my friends will finally have something to distract their attention away from matters of state to read the borderline psychotic ramblings of an unemployed grad student.
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